Hope and Help for the Trials of Motherhood: Part 2

A Mother's Humility


"Likewise, you who are younger, be subject to the elders. Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for 'God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.'”  (1 Peter 5:5)

I like to be in control. And if I'm not in control, I at least like to LOOK like I'm in control.

Do you ever have those days when it feels like life is falling apart and you don't know what to do, but somehow when you leave the house to go somewhere (especially if it's church), this lovely smile magically appears on your face, and without even thinking about it, you answer the question "How are you doing?" with a chipper "Fine!" Been there, done that, many times!

And why? Because even on my worst days, my pride keeps me from wanting to let people know that I'm really NOT in control, that I'm really falling to pieces, that I lack knowledge and wisdom, that I want to throw in the towel and sell my kids up the river. If they really knew what I thought, what I did when no one was around to keep me in line, the things that came out of my mouth when I was frustrated with the kids, or the dog, or the house, or my husband, or the schedule... Well, they might not like me so much. They might not ask me for wisdom. They might start to think I'm not a "good Christian". And wouldn't that just make my whole messy life worse? So I bite my lip, force a smile and pretend that I've got it all together.

But Peter tells us that pride will not get us any help, any grace at all. God OPPOSES the proud. I don't know about you, but I don't want God to be opposed to me! God gives GRACE to the humble. I'm pretty sure that I want grace, that I NEED grace! And if my life feels like it's falling apart, the worst thing I can do is to stand in pride before others and invite God's opposition! I need to be humble and receive God's grace for my messy life.

Peter tells all of us (leaders, followers, fathers, mothers, older, younger) to clothe ourselves in humility toward one another. What does that look like for the mother in times of trial? Well, for starters, she's willing to admit that she DOESN'T have it all together, that she has fears and anxieties, that she's weary, that she's uncertain, that she is concerned for her children, that she doubts God's goodness, that she even doubts God's existence sometimes, that she needs help, needs grace. She needs to make herself vulnerable to other believers, to come to them for help and be fully open and honest about where she's really at.

Admittedly, this is hard. Our pride constantly threatens to get in the way. And we may fear that someone will use our personal struggles as open information and defame or slander us, or just plain use us. But God has commanded humility in his children, and if he has commanded it, he also gives Spirit-power to do it. So pray for humility; pray to leave your fears in God's hands; pray for the Spirit's help. And remember that the most humble man who ever lived was Jesus Christ (Philippians 2:5-11). He was humble even though they did slander him, use him, mock him, crucify him to death on a wooden cross. But he humbled himself for you and for me, that he might bear the punishment for our sins in our place, that we might receive the grace of God. If he humbled himself for us, being very God of very God, how much more should we humble ourselves for his sake! And the same power that then raised him from the dead and gives him glory for all eternity also makes the believer a new person, no longer chained to the sins of pride and vanity and self-rule, but able, by the Spirit, to put to death pride in the flesh and walk in humility toward God and man (Romans 8:1-11). And that same power will also one day raise us and we will share in his glory!

Now, not only will the mother who is humble and asks other believers for help receive future glory, she will also receive grace for life NOW. And the main way this happens is that when other believers know what her struggles are, they have the ability to speak grace into them, to practically help her out, to pray specifically for her, to LOVE her. In fact, our pride may be robbing other believers of opportunities to love us and care for us! Robbing them of joyful service, and robbing ourselves of practical grace for our struggles! I don't want to do that... do you?

I've spent many years trying to pretend I was Supermom, that I didn't need help, that I was in control. It took a heart-breaking, strength-exhausting miscarriage for me to be forced to admit I DID need help. And then it took an scary postpartum haemorrhage (at a wedding, of all places), after which I was weak for a month, to further push me to humble myself... And then several months of stress-related dizzy spells... And after that, I'm still learning! And I want to learn to be humble even when not faced with a major health issues, or major trials of any sort! I want to be humble when I'm struggling with how to relate to a newly-minted preteen, or when I'm trying to remember how to deal with a toddler, when my husband and I disagree on a parenting issue (or anything else!), when the dog is driving me crazy, when it's just been a busy week and I'm tired. And I'm very thankful for the example of many members of our church who continually model a humble attitude, and who meet my humility with much grace.

There are many other practical applications of the command to humble ourselves toward one another: joyful service, giving grace rather than condemnation to those who come to you with their struggles, not doing things in order to be noticed, and many more. But I only have so much time and space to write, and as I have been enormously benefited by the grace I've received from God through his people when I've just been humble in admitting my sins and struggles and needs to the other members of Christ's body, I want to use this space to encourage all of us to clothe ourselves in humility by the grace of the Saviour who humbled himself for us, and be mothers who don't have it all under control, who need help, who weep and who fear and who desperately need wisdom, and who receive much grace for all of these things through our fellow believers, as they are given the opportunity to love us. And may God get all the glory for it!